Last week Mark and I were thinking about our upcoming anniversary, of our lives now and the journey we've made to this point. He had put a load of his laundry in the washer which reminded him of the 4 years at the Naval Academy when a laundry service picked up his (and all midshipmen's laundry) outside their room doors. He described stuffing everything into a duffle bag, tying it tight so  the strings wouldn't come undone, mixing his and 4000 other midshipmen underwear together. Then stopping by the 16th Company area down the hall couple of days later, picking up cleaned and pressed uniforms along with the cleaned clothes in the duffle bag which was brought back to the outside of his room.

Certainly not what he experienced in our marriage.

Which made me think of the ways in which laundry has, at times, become much like a barometer for the health of our marriage.

As our family focused exclusively on Mark's career as the primary financial support I found myself with a collection of part time jobs in-between caring for our children. Which meant, I had time for laundry. If our communication was healthy, if we were able to hear and support each other, doing laundry became just another chore. If, on the other hand, I didn't feel heard, supported or valued, his laundry would sit for days. It became a means to try to balance what I perceived as unequal power in our relationship.

Needless to say, early in our marriage, he was up several evenings, washing uniforms for the next week.

As we learned healthier coping and communication skills, laundry became less of a means to express resentment and more of an opportunity to show service. Washing and drying his clothes became a time to be grateful for work opportunities, for flexible schedules to care for our children, and a means to 'lose' his sweatshirts, socks and other items frayed, torn or which not longer fit.

As we celebrate our 38th anniversary today, I am grateful for Mark's unwavering determination to financially support our family, his love for me and his ability to, occasionally, do his own laundry.