What questions are you asking people today?
What questions are you asking of yourself?
A particular question was the topic of a recent Sunday School class in which we explored the first chapter in Amy Jill Levine's book 'Difficult Words of Jesus.' Dr. Levine starts with the first chapter by quoting Mark,
"The Gospel of Mark recounts a short anecdote about a rich man who meets Jesus on the road. Running up to him and kneeling before him, the fellow asks, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (Mark 10:17)
The following conversations are as I remembered, not verbatim. Comments about equitable (or in many cases, inequitable) wealth distribution, exploring theories of redemption, and grace sprinkled the lively conversation. As verbal engagement seemed to draw to a quiet close, one participant offered an astute observation. 'The question posed to Jesus didn't seem difficult, and Jesus' answer seems pretty self-explanatory.'
And that observation made me think.
Maybe the rich man didn't ask the question that was really on his mind or heart.
During our last active duty military tour, we were stationed in Port Hueneme California, where I worked at the Family Service Center on base with the Domestic Abuse Program. A mantra the seasoned clinicians had at that time was,
'the first story is rarely the most accurate story.'
It wasn't that the clinicians didn't believe the clients, it was that they believed the client's story to be a trauma narrative rather than an accurate description of events. I was reminded of this experience when I thought about the young man's conversation with Jesus. I wonder what his follow on questions might have been.
As a mental health counselor I frequently experience clients writing one thing on their intake paperwork and consequently spending most of our sessions eventually processing something quite different. First questions, or a first statement often function as an introduction to the client, to their narrative. It takes holding that observation while continuing to explore, be curious, and continue to listen which can lead to deeper awareness and insight for both the clinician and the counselor.
When I listen to the young man I hear these questions:
Is my wealth enough?
Is my adherence to law enough?
Am I enough?
A further class observation was that Jesus' engagement with this young man is one of the rare times that an interpretation of Jesus's emotional stance is described. Amy Jill Levine states,
"Looking at the man, Jesus “loved him” (10:21)."
I want us to hold those two thoughts in tandem.
A young man is asking, 'Am I enough?' and Jesus is described as 'loving him.'
The heartbreak for me in this text isn't the young man asking existential questions. It is the young man walking away when offered love.
When you are offering love to someone and they balk, ignore, or walk away, what do you do? Continue to act in loving ways. Continue to offer acceptance? I am not talking about a lack of boundaries or unhealthy attachment, but rather an intentional choice to continue to act on our values.
When you are offered love, do you balk, ignore the gesture or walk away, convinced your partner was only thinking of themselves or didn't mean the peace offering?
While not restricted to parent-child relationships, Patty Wipler, writing for the HandinHand parenting blog, describes the term 'stay listening.'
"Your goal is to see what lets your child continue with emotional release,
full and uninhibited, and to learn what slows her down or stops her."
I see this modeled in the conversation with the young man and Jesus. Jesus drew on the Socratic method to explore, be curious, to 'stay listening.'
A final thought.
May you offer those you meet and are in a relationship with love. The curious, the exploring, and the 'stay listening' love, and may you welcome the curious, the exploring, and the 'stay lasting,' love when offered.
https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2013/08/what-to-say-during-staylistening/
Levine, Amy-Jill. The Difficult Words of Jesus (p. 1). Abingdon Press. Kindle Edition.
No comments:
Post a Comment